(REPOST) An open letter to Stephen A. Smith

In light of the hit that Bernie Bickerstaff has reportedly placed on the head of Stephen A. Smith, I dug up this old post from the old website.

(Originally posted on the old website, 6/18/04)

Updated, July 3: Thanks to Burke Brockbank for passing along this must-see Stephen A. video tribute: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvJGghOuFlQ

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Please stop yelling at me.

Seriously. I get what you're after. I went to high school with a guy like you. He knew his sports, but rather than try to ever discuss any topic with intelligence, he preferred the brow-beating method: yell your argument at the top of your lungs and bully your opponent into a resigned submission.

During those high school days, I caught a show on U2's Achtung Baby tour. One of the lines plastered on the canvas backdrop was "Withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy." I always felt that way when I was around that guy in high school -- like it wasn't a crime to just walk away because the energy it took to have a conversation with him surely did not outweigh the benefits. And now, Stephen, I feel that way with you.

I'm sure you serve some target demographic for ESPN. There haven't been a lot of guys who tried to exploit the "knowledgeable yet annoying basketball blowhard" role. What I'm still not sure about is where you came from. Don't get me wrong -- I know you're a Philly beat writer. I just can't figure out how you parlayed that into more undeserved ESPN air time than anyone since Carrot Top started appearing in SportsCenter commercials.

I remember that only a couple months ago I had seen you just once or twice, and then all of a sudden you were conducting an ‘exclusive’ interview for ESPN with Ty Law of the New England Patriots when he announced that he would never return to play for Bill Belichick. I don’t know how you got that assignment, but you haven't left since. It had to be the most cash thrust into
the spotlight since Izzy Cole got to replace Bobby Beers in Steel Dragon.

I used to get amused when I'd watch Sean Salisbury and John Clayton debate football this past fall. It was obvious that ESPN was playing up the "bully vs. geek" angle. But it was fun witnessing the two of them go at it. Salisbury may have tried to play the bully part, but sometimes Clayton reared back and fired right back at him. And there were genuine moments where the truth showed through - subtle moments where you could tell these guys were
enjoying the role playing but actually appreciated each other's opinions and perspectives.

I don't get that same sense with you. And you have found success in pushing someone like Tim Legler into a corner, but Greg Anthony probably won’t be such a pushover. In fact, you may be lucky that the NBA Finals are almost over because each time you and Anthony go at it, he looks like he's one step closer to recalling his thug-ball days with the Knicks and coming right after
you.

Look, Stephen, there's no doubt that you know your basketball. I'm aware of this because you spend all of your on-air time doing nothing but reminding me of this one fact. Also, I especially love that sarcastic way you drone on a name when you really want to imply that someone is weak. Hell, Luke Walton racked up a half dozen Game 4 fouls in less time than it takes you to get out the name of his replacement, "Slava Medvedenko."

Don't try and go all Howard Stern on me, Stephen, and play the "any press is good press" angle. I'll never forget that scene in Private Parts when they're talking about how long the average Stern fan used to listen, and how much longer the Stern-haters would tune in. Their answer for why was always "to see what he'll say next." Well, Stephen, you're different. We don't keep
watching to see what you say next; we keep watching because we're addicted to ESPN like it's the only gas station in town that carries Red Bull. We don't watch because of you; we watch in spite of you. And that's a shame, because it's very apparent that you know your basketball and could be an asset as an announcer if you weren’t shouting me down all the time.

Of course, you probably didn't hear a single word I just said. You were busy yelling too loud.